So no-one told you life was gonna be this way

When my friends found out I was ill originally they each reacted in their own, incredibly personal ways. Just as there's a whole spectrum of responses a patient can have to being told such news the people who are friends of the patient have the right to respond in any way they feel is appropriate.

Sometimes it's with a certain stoicism, others it's with a real vigour and determination to help and for others still it just leads to floods of tears and snotters fuelled by worry.

All these responses are valid and, for me at least, they were all helpful.

While at the time it can feel like hard work trying to console someone who you just can't stop crying, there's also something therapeutic in it. I know some may view a friend crying over the person who is really ill as being selfish but I don't see it that way at all.

If you have a chronic disease you might well get the physical symptoms all to yourself but every single person you know suffers somewhat from the fallout of your condition and just as doctors can't tell you how to behave in regards your own condition you can't tell anyone else how to feel about your position.

The stoic are quite easy to deal with as they are just convinced it will all work out fine in the end but in a curious way the ones who are most vigorous in their claim that you'll beat this disease can be the hardest work. Put it this way, I was always convinced I would be fine - it actually never entered my mind that I wouldn't be. However , if you have people coming in to see you telling you you're going to be fine all the time then you start to wonder just why so many people are trying to reassure you.

It's often the ones who tell you that you'll be fine the most that are the ones who are actually the most terrified out of everyone. In my case a few people who were just like that came to see me less and less because they couldn't cope watching it all unfold. That's sad but I can kind of understand it.

For what it's worth most of my friends have been incredible. Almost all developed an attitude early on where we would allow ourselves to joke about it all. Of course this can appear crass to outsiders not familiar with the rules we play by but it works for us.

The reason I mention all of this is that as well as reacting to diagnosis in certain ways, there is also a wide range of positions in how much information people actually want about your treatment. For some a simple overview is all that is required but some really immerse themselves in the process, perhaps so they can feel part of it.

I've always been someone who wants to know all the details, no matter how grisly, and I sometimes forget that not everyone wants to know them. So the next bit is solely for those who really, really want to know the details.

Last week I was given a link to a blog of a woman who has in the last ten days undergone a lung transplant down in Newcastle. She goes into incredible detail and it's a fascinating read from my perspective and perhaps will go some way to answering some of the questions my friends have that I don't yet have the answers to.

Tori's Journal

I think it's an incredible read but recognise it's not for everyone.

It will take many, many posts to explain just how much my friends have done for me over the years. I do hope they all know how much I appreciate it.