So the last few times I've sat down to compose my thoughts it's been amidst a struggle to keep things together. On looking through the retrospectoscope it appears that I was somewhere amidst a perfect storm created by the effects of a few differing infections, those of removing certain medications from my daily routine and also the addition of others. I suppose we should have tried to do this in a much more managed way, with more scientific rigour really, by changing only one variable at a time but nobody thought that these medicinal changes could have such a profound effect.
The worst part of it all was the fact that the infections were making me quite violently sick, and my pain medication protocol at the time was doing the same so it was hard to tell which was causing the problem at any given time. Now I am infection free and we have a new protocol in place I am feeling as good as I have in a very long time indeed. During that period of feeling unwell though there were masses of issues to deal with, not least the obviuos one that not eating, or puking up what you do manage to eat, has a terrible effect on your weight. At my heaviest I was just over 64kg and when I was weighed in early January I was down to 56kg, leaving me a tiny amount of leeway to the 54kg threshold I have to be above for the transplant team. If I'm honest the two weeks after that weigh in I continues to lose weight and was almost certainly under the threshold. At moments like that I'm meant to contact the transplant team and be temporarily removed from the list but I took the risk that I would rapidly improve, which I have. I was weighed at the clinic a few days ago and I was 57.3kg and I am putting away food at an alarming rate just now so I plan on getting to round about 60-62kg and staying roundabout there as long as I can. That's enough of a buffer should any other infection arise I think.
The reason that you vomit when fighting an infection, in my case at least, is because the first thing my body shuts down when it's not getting enough oxygen to the internal organs is the stomach. I've made the comparison before that it's like altitude sickness where mountaineers start to vomit over a certain altitude. One of the unforeseen aspects of all this vomiting is that it badly affected my teeth. I was feeling so very nauseous that not only was the acidic remnants of my stomach affecting my teeth (bulemics often have dreadful teeth because of this) but, because I have such a hair-trigger of a gag reflex, any time I tried to brush my teeth I was gagging and occasionally being sick again. I had to deal just with mouthwashes in the time being, which isn't ideal. I mentioned this to my dentist yesterday and she understood but I'm going to see the dental hygienist on Friday and fully expect to be on the end of a serious lecture on the topic. Not in a heavy way - we have a really good relationship - but she'll make sure I know that she expects much more of me.
So now that I am feeling as well as I have in a while I'm trying to organise a lot more things to do, whether it be harassing people into coming to visit here or to actually go out and do something with them in the big, bad, scary outside world. When I was at the clinic last Thursday I walked a little about the hospital wards and yesterday walked from the car along the path to my house, which I haven't done in months. Granted the muscles that haven't been used in some time hurt but it's a good pain if you know what I mean.
