I get tired, and upset, and I'm trying to care a little less

According to a character in the film Contagion 'Blogging isn't writing, it's just graffiti with punctuation.' This line clearly borrows from Truman Capote's critique of the book On the Road by Jack Kerouac, which he characterised as 'That's not writing at all, but typing'.

I've thought a lot about this because quite a few people have told me I should try writing something seriously and I just feel that while I can stumble onto some good points on occasion and make them quite well, I could never tie them together into something as coherent as a book. Not right now anyway while my brain remains as fuzzy as it does.

I also mention Contagion because it's about the spread of a global pandemic and just how easy it could spread in the modern world. It's made me realise just how close I was to becoming a mere statistic when I got swine flu. I was still feeling the after effects of fungal pneumonia when I caught swine flu so my immune system was already pretty ragged. Added to that I had viral meningitis at the same time and it is incredible that I made it through all that.

I've always been very keen to avoid addressing it when people define me as being strong because I've seen some of the strongest people I've ever met succumb to Cancer and some of those who took it less seriously get through it. I've never really believed it's about strength, but I'm coming around to the idea that there might well be something in it. My best friend Dave says I can't be killed by normal means. A lot of my visitors recently have commented on how strong I must be to cope with the slow progress towards the possibility of a lung transplant and I can't tell them they're wrong. I have been strong, although I would say that with the caveat that I can be really lazy at times. I worry I use the fact that I find things difficult for not even trying so I'm going to try and remedy that.