I wanna live, breathe, I wanna be part of the human race

I have news of a sort. The transplant secretary phoned me to tell me their plans for seeing me. They will see me at one of their satellite clinics at Gartnavel Hospital in Glasgow which is great news as I wasn't keen on the prospect of having to go down to Newcastle for their assessments. The problem is that their next one in November is already completely full so I won't see them until February.

There's no getting away from the fact that this is a bit of a downer for me as that seems very, very far in the future. By the time it comes round in fact it will be a year after I had hoped to see them. The incessant weight issue is what has been responsible for such a long period of waiting so I understand why it has taken so long but it is incredibly frustrating now that issue has been resolved that there is another such gaping hole in my life before any progress can be made.

One of my main concerns is that the winter is such a traumatic time for me as I struggle fighting off persistent infections through those months so I worry that I might actually not be well enough to even see them. Of course worrying about things that are so far ahead and ultimately outwith my control is idiotic but I'm allowed to be idiotic once in a while.

So by the time I actually get to meet the transplant team for the first time almost two years of my life have lapsed without doing anything I'd wanted to be getting on with and it's beginning to wear me down because I know that it will probably be years before I can even get a transplant as well so I'll be well into my mid thirties by the time I get ot kick start my life again.

I think about my twenties in a bit of a schizophrenic way because while I feel that I missed out on large swathes of the sort of things that most people do in their twenties, I am also very aware of the incredible number of things that I have done that are quite remarkable for someone in my position. I can only hope that by the time I'm forty I can have the same sort of feeling about my thirties.